Would any parent intentionally encourage their children to use drugs? Not likely, but "actions speak louder than words" and parents' actions can, unknowingly, contribute to drug use.
Check out the following articles below for parenting tips on drug recognition, prevention and rehabilitation
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If
your child is
doing drugs.
What's
wrong with trying
drugs or alcohol?
Helping
your child overcome
addictive substances.
Why
do kids turn to
drugs, alcohol
and other addictive
substances?
Building
healthy, drug
free families.
Heeding
the warning signs
of substance abuse.
Discovering that your child is involved with addictive substances is a tragic and devastating event. No matter how much we read and hear about addictive substances in the media and through popular culture such as films and music, it still shocks most of us when we find our own children experimenting with drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances.
It’s important to understand that you are not alone. The use and abuse of addictive substances affects families across Canada. Addictive substance usage knows no economic, social, ethnic or racial boundaries.
Drug related offenses in Canada were one of the few crime categories to actually see an increase in 1998 (the most recent year for national crime statistics) with a 6 per cent increase over the previous year. A study of 712 Canadian street youth revealed that 2 out of 3 were using alcohol and/or other drugs daily or weekly with the majority being moderate to heavy users. Yet this only scratches the surface of how pervasive addictive substances are in our society and what it’s doing to our kids.
If you think your child may have a problem with addictive substances, you need to take some concrete steps to address the problem. Here are some things you should consider:
Acknowledge
the problem and
resolve to deal
with it.
It’s important
that you not deny
the problem exists
even though it
is difficult to
deal with. On
the other hand,
don’t overreact.
Ranting and raving,
screaming and
yelling will only
make a bad situation
worse. You need
to calmly and
prayerfully consider
what to do to
help your child
and your family.
Understand
that the problem
is bigger than
simply substance
usage or abuse.
A child who uses
addictive substances
is crying for
help. It’s
a way to try and
cover the hurts,
disappointments
and pain many
children feel
today. The hurt
could be physical
or mental, but
it also has a
spiritual element
to it, namely
a search for the
meaning to life
that comes from
having a relationship
with God.
Get
your facts straight
before going to
your child.
Make sure you
understand what
substance abuse
is all about before
confronting your
child. Different
substances (both
legal and illegal)
have different
effects and dangers
and it helps to
know what you’re
dealing with so
you can speak
with knowledge
and authority
to your child.
Prepare
to confront your
child.
Before you confront
your child, you
need to search
your own heart
for ways in which
you may have failed
him or her. Your
child will not
listen to you
if you are not
living what you
preach. Whether
you failed your
child intentionally
or not, it’s
important to honestly
admit what you
need to confess
and apologize
for both to your
child and to God.
Prayer and personal
confession is
important for
preparing your
heart for the
tough task ahead.
Once you’ve
prepared your
heart for going
to your child,
select a comfortable
setting where
you won’t
be disturbed by
phone calls or
other people interrupting
you and where
your child won’t
be threatened.
Confront
your child based
on unconditional
love.
It’s important
that you show
your child that
he or she is loved
unconditionally
no matter what
they’ve done.
Make sure they
understand that
you’re not
going to yell
or throw things
no matter how
upset or hurt
you are –
but that you want
to hear the truth.
Share with them
what you have
confirmed or suspect
about their usage
of addictive substances.
Allow them the
opportunity to
admit the truth.
Be sure that the
child understands
that you cannot
allow the substance
use to continue
because you love
him and don’t
want to see them
go down the terrible
path that leads
to substance abuse.
They must understand
that you "mean
business."
Most of all, use
the opportunity
to share the love
of God with your
child as the only
way to fill the
need they are
trying to fill
by turning to
addictive substances.
Moving
on
Your initial confrontation
may not be enough
to get your child
to give up substance
usage. He or she
may need to hear
the facts about
addictive substances
from someone who’s
been there. Start
with your local
church. If they
don’t have
someone who can
help, they can
find local ministries
that can. It’s
best to contact
a Christian organization
such as Teen Challenge
which can address
the fundamental
spiritual problem
at the root of
addictive substance
usage and abuse.
Remember, you are not alone. Prayerfully and clearly addressing your child’s addictive substance usage is hard to do. But if you do not address it, the consequences could be tragic and deadly for both your child and your family.
What's wrong with trying drugs or alcohol?
One the biggest stumbling blocks for parents when it comes to talking to their children about addictive substance usage and abuse is that they often are at a loss as to how to provide clear and sound reasons to why their kids should avoid experimenting with drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances. From your child’s perspective, smoking marijuana or drinking with their friends seems to be an increasingly common part of "growing up."
Today’s culture (music, film, television, etc.) often portrays these behaviors as "cool." Peer pressure also plays a large part in portraying drug usage as "no big deal." But as a parent, you need to be able to explain to your child that trying drugs or alcohol (among many other things) (see our description of the types of addictive substances) is a bad decision not because you say so but because the facts say so:
Physical
and psychological
harm
Substance abuse
devastates lives.
It’s important
that your child
understand that
the effects of
drugs and alcohol
are nothing but
temporary illusions.
The end result
of choosing to
get involved with
addictive substances
is addiction.
Drugs and alcohol
require more and
higher dosages
that destroy a
body and ruin
a mind. It’s
vital that you
encourage your
child’s positive
self image and
that they clearly
understand that
drugs and alcohol
will destroy them.
Interference
with life goals
Make your child
understand that
they are special
and unique and
that they should
aim high when
it comes to their
futures. But make
them also understand
that using addictive
substances is
a dead end street.
Going down that
road will lead
not only to physical
and psychological
problems, but
could ruin their
family situation,
their education
and can even lead
to a life of crime
to support a drug
or alcohol habit.
This latter point
is important.
Addicts in Canada
need an estimated
$150 a day to
support their
drug habits and
often the only
way to do this
is to turn to
a life of crime
usually involving
violence, prostitution
and other criminal
activities.
The
unfulfilled void
Deep down inside,
your child knows
that using addictive
substances is
nothing but an
attempt to fill
a void in their
lives. Every individual
is unique and
has special needs.
Whatever that
void is –
a lack of love
at home, poor
self-esteem, the
need to be accepted
by their peers,
etc. – you
must make it clear
to your child
that using drugs
and alcohol will
not make their
lives whole. These
substances may
temporarily ease
their pain, but
once their effects
wear off, the
void will return
bigger and darker
than before. This
is an opportunity
to address what
is essentially
a spiritual void.
Introducing Jesus
as someone who
has answers to
our deepest needs
is the first and
best step for
helping your child
fill that void.
It’s up to you to clearly understand and talk about why using drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances is wrong. If your child comes to you with questions about drug and alcohol usage, you must be prepared to sit down as a family and discuss these issues in a loving and safe setting. If you find your child is involved with an addictive substance, resolve to confront your child assertively but in a context of love and deep concern (If your child is doing drugs).
Helping your child overcome addictive substances.
Your goal when it comes to addictive substance usage and abuse is to make sure your child never starts down that dead end street. However, if you find that your child is using drugs, alcohol or other addictive substances, your immediate concern is helping your child leave these things behind. There are some practical steps you can take in doing this:
Get
your facts straight
You don’t
need to become
an expert, but
you do need to
understand what
addictive substances
are all about
before confronting
your child. Different
substances (both
legal and illegal)
have different
effects and dangers
and it helps to
know what you’re
dealing with so
you can speak
with authority
to your child.
Get
to know your child’s
friends
Often kids
try drugs or alcohol
because their
friends are doing
it. If you know
your child has
good friends,
it’s less
likely they’ll
get involved with
addictive substances.
So invite his
or her friends
home. Get to know
their parents
if possible. If
your child doesn’t
want to bring
his or her friends
home, it could
indicate a problem.
Have
a solid relationship
with your children
You must teach
your child right
from wrong when
he is are young
and consistently
apply and live
out what you teach.
Nurture his spiritual
needs from an
early age. Make
sure that you
don’t hide
from addressing
the issue of why
trying drugs,
alcohol and other
addictive substances
is wrong. All
this comes from
taking the time
and making the
effort to listen
and talk to your
kids. Having a
solid, loving
relationship with
your kids makes
it far less likely
they’ll become
involved in negative
things such as
drugs and alcohol
because they won’t
need to go far
to receive the
love and understanding
that each person
craves.
Set
the standards
for your kids
and help them
set their own
goals
The world may
tell you otherwise,
but the fact is
that kids actually
want their parents
to set limits
and guidelines
for them. Why?
Because making
the effort to
set boundaries
shows that you
care about them
and where they’re
going with their
lives. It also
offers stability
and security –
two things generally
lacking in today’s
society. Kids
will test the
limits you set
– even when
it comes to addictive
substances –
but establishing
firm parameters
for their lives,
bolstered by loving
discipline, shows
kids you love
them. The time
you invest in
helping your child
establish his
own goals from
an early age is
better than having
to try and salvage
a life ruined
by substance abuse.
Pray
for your children
Even children
from good Christian
homes fall victim
to substance abuse.
Know your limits
as a parent. Part
of dealing with
real or potential
problems with
drugs and alcohol
is acknowledging
your need for
God’s help.
The most powerful
and effective
way to team up
with God is through
praying for your
children. Do it
regularly and
earnestly, and
make sure your
children know
you’re praying
for them.
All these things will go a long way to helping you deal with addictive substance usage or abuse.
Why do kids turn to drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances?
It’s easy to blame our society for making it easy for youth to turn to drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances. Watch the latest Hollywood blockbuster film, popular sitcom on television or listen to today’s popular music and you will quickly see that drug usage is part of a pervasive drug culture that subtly presents the message that drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances are part of "growing up" and "freeing" youth from their parents.
Young people today aren’t really any different from past generations in wanting to be independent. What’s different now from 100 or even 50 years ago is that the variety and potency of addictive substances are more pervasive and (to a degree) acceptable than ever. In this context, it is not surprising that young people would find addictive substances attractive.
Peer
pressure
One of the most
common reasons
why kids turn
to drugs, alcohol
and other addictive
substances is
peer pressure.
What their friends
do can have a
greater impact
on your child’s
behavior than
your influence
as a parent, particularly
during the turbulent
teenage years.
If their friends
are experimenting
with alcohol or
doing drugs, your
child will be
under great pressure
to do so as well.
That’s why
it’s important
that you get to
know your child’s
friends. Nurturing
a good, open relationship
with your child
will ensure you
can talk to them
about their friends
and what they
are doing so that
you can detect
and act if drug
usage is suspected
and evident.
Curiosity
Another common
reason why kids
turn to addictive
substances is
simple curiosity.
Again, driven
largely by popular
culture today,
drugs, alcohol
and other addictive
substances can
look fun and cool.
They see their
friends and even
their family members
"high"
and assume it’s
okay to get high,
too. As a parent,
you need to acknowledge
this curiosity
openly and frankly
with your child.
But you also need
to make sure he
or she understands
what getting involved
with addictive
substances is
all about and
its real consequences
(see What’s
Wrong with Trying
Drugs or Alcohol?).
Again, nurturing
a good, open relationship
with your child
will help you
be able to address
the curiosity
before it turns
into action.
It’s
available
Kids today
increasingly use
drugs, alcohol
and other addictive
substances simply
because it’s
readily available
to them. Experts
say that the best
place to obtain
drugs is in high
schools in the
suburban, middle
class areas of
our cities. Studies
show that young
high school boys
are the worse
drug users and
that half of high
school kids use
marijuana regularly
and even more
drink alcohol.
Don’t be
fooled into thinking
that substance
abuse only happens
in economically
disadvantaged
and crime infested
areas in Canadian
urban centers.
Rich or poor,
urban or rural,
whatever the ethnic
or racial background,
drugs, alcohol
and other addictive
substances are
readily available
to all and has
permeated all
social, economic,
ethnic and racial
groups.
A
lack of self-esteem
and personal problems
The final common
reason for kids
turning to addictive
substances is
simply that kids
are kids –
they naturally
have difficulties
coping with low
self-esteem and
personal problems
as they go through
the teenage years
before adulthood.
Unhappiness and
hostility at home,
self-centred parents
not tuned into
their children's
longing to be
loved, pressures
at school, boredom,
guilt over sexual
relationships
and rejection
by the opposite
sex are only a
few of the things
causing your kids
problems and stress.
Helping your child
deal with and
overcome such
problems is what
good parenting
is all about.
You should also understand that other factors that at first seem to be unrelated to substance abuse such as being sexually active are likely to lead youths more readily to try illegal substances. It’s therefore important to address all aspects of your child’s life – their physical, emotional, social and sexual development – to ensure he grows up healthy and drug free.
Building healthy, drug free families.
The best defense against substance abuse claiming your child is a healthy and loving family. While drug and alcohol abuse affects kids from families that are stable and nurturing, kids from broken homes where poverty and physical and emotional abuse are facts of life are much more likely to be exposed to drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances.
As parents, there are a number of things you can do to promote a healthy, drug free family life, one that may be the biggest factor in your child making the right decisions when it comes to addictive substances:
Build
a positive, open
relationship with
your children
Start when
they are small
and take time
to talk and listen
to your children.
Show interest
and involvement
in their activities.
Building a high
level of trust
and two-way communications
from when they
are young will
prevent many problems
in the teenage
and young adult
years.
Let
them see and feel
positive relationships
between family
members
Making sure
your child sees
you and your spouse
showing love,
respect and honor
to one another
every day nurtures
stability and
security for your
child. The traditional
family of father,
mother and children
is still the best
way to foster
happy children,
so make sure they
don’t have
to worry about
your marital relationship.
Also take care
to foster positive
relationships
between siblings
who can rely on
one another as
they grow up.
Unfortunately, marital failures are more common than ever today. If you’re a single parent, separated or divorced, it’s crucial that you let your child know that you love them unconditionally and that your single parenthood or marital problems in no way are their fault. Knowing that you (and your spouse) will always be there for them no matter what, is the first and best thing you can do for your child to ensure he stays away from addictive substances.
Teach
you children well
Resolve to
set clear standards
for right and
wrong and consistently
apply those standards
in your home.
Basing your standards
on Biblical principles
is a time-tested
way to raise healthy
families. Always
set God and His
clear standards
on all aspects
of life (ethics,
morals, sexual
activities, negative
behaviors including
indulgence in
and abuse of drugs
and alcohol, etc.)
as your family’s
guiding principles.
Build
a Christ-Centred
home
Going to church
every week, getting
all family members
involved in church
activities and
ministries and
having the family
pray together
are bulwarks against
having your child
drawn into the
world of drugs,
alcohol and other
addictive substances.
Having your child
be part of a Bible-believing
church offers
him or her positive
youth activities,
contacts and friendships
with other Christian
kids, access to
Christian youth
workers they can
turn to and a
place where they
will clearly hear
about making the
right choices
for their lives.
Heeding the warning signs of substance abuse.
If you think your child could never get involved with drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances, think again. Young people going through the natural emotional stresses associated with adolescence are especially vulnerable to the lure of addictive substances. This is especially true of kids living in a popular culture that often glorifies the dark, seedy underworld of drugs and alcohol.
Being able to discern and quickly act on the warning signs about potential or actual involvement with addictive substances could prevent the pain, suffering and misery that plagues so many youth and their families today:
- Denial and more denial (don't even know they are lying)
- Disrespect of parents and family
- Items missing from home or unaccounted
- Finding strange items in their room and clothing
- Falling school grades
- Coming home late
- Sleeping late and long
- Isolating from family members
- Dropping out of sporting and other extra-curricular activities
- Always asking for money
- Unexplained new clothing and other items
Attitude
changes
The adolescence
period can be
a difficult one
for parents as
their children's
emotional changes
struggle to keep
pace with their
physical changes.
This is natural.
However, if your
usually bright
and affectionate
child grows sullen,
withdrawn and
secretive or seems
to have a chip
on his shoulder
all the time,
it may be in part
due to involvement
with addictive
substances. It’s
important you
find out what’s
at the root of
the change.
New,
rebellious friends
If your child
suddenly starts
hanging around
with a new group
of friends who
seem to have a
rebellious attitude
to teachers, parents
and other authority
figures, you should
worry. Often this
"rebellious
attitude"
brings with it
an openness to
addictive substances.
Look for changes
in how they dress
(they may become
sloppy in their
dress or start
wearing dark clothes
or strange hair
styles), what
music they are
listening to,
what they’re
reading and what
they’re watching
on television.
While these may
not necessarily
be due to involvement
with addictive
substances, they
could signal an
openness to such
involvement.
Education
suffers
Dropping school
grades, skipping
school or failure
to do homework
may be linked
to new priorities
that include involvement
with drugs and
alcohol as well
as other negative
activities such
as crime. Along
with a lack of
enthusiasm for
school comes a
sudden lack of
interest in sports,
clubs, hobbies
and other positive
activities. These
are often the
first indicators
that your child
may be involved
with addictive
substances.
Money’s
never enough
Buying drugs
and alcohol is
expensive. If
your child is
always begging
for money and
is secretive about
how he or she
spends the money
they receive from
you or earn themselves,
it may indicate
that they are
spending it on
addictive substances.
You should make
sure you can talk
clearly and honestly
with your child
about the value
of money and being
responsible stewards
of what God provides.
You may not always
agree on what
kind of shirt
your kid buys
or how much of
their money goes
toward video games
and CDs, but these
are things you
can keep track
of. If his money
seems to disappear
into a black hole,
that hole might
just be drugs
and alcohol.
It’s important that you heed and act upon these and other warning signs. Knowing what to do if your child is involved with addictive substances (see If Your Child is Doing Drugs) and how to help your child overcome addictive substances (see Helping your Child Overcome Addictive Substances) may well mean being spared years of pain and misery for you, your child and your family.